Today thoughts invade. You know those days where you just think too much? I have been pretty overwhelmed today and I couldn't tell you exactly why. I am not sure what I am even doing typing this at even 12:36am. If you know me well enough, you know that I don't exactly process clearly in broad daylight, none-the-less at half past midnight. Hmm, so be it. Here I am.
Tonight I am feeling burdened by the world. I feel burdened by what happens and by what will come. I feel that I am incapable of love...which is true. I know that anything good in me is God. Knowing this truth, I don't know why I get so frustrated in these moments. Mostly, it is probably me wishing I could do things without help from anyone else -- including God. Now that I am sitting here typing this though, I know so clearly that I simply do not make sense without Him. He is all I have ever needed. He is all the people that I feel so burdened for have ever needed. He is all. In all. Why do we seek despair when He is so abundant?
So tonight - I am thankful. I am thankful that it isn't up to me to love the world. It's about my dependence on the One who IS love. So in this moment, despite my thoughts and my burdened heart -- I want to leave you with these words:
1 John 4:10-12
This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. no one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.
I pray that you find rest in Him.
I came across your blog sort of randomly since I too have a blog in blogger... but anyway... I just wanted to tell you that, I completely understand and go through the same thing so many nights... I worry a lot about the world, especially regarding it's future (this is why I don't even want to have kids). I too am a Christian... and though I KNOW I should put my trust in God, I can't help it sometimes. I can't help thinking and trying to create my own solutions... and became even MORE frustrated, because I'm simply incapable of fixing the world. I even question God. I JUST wrote a small though about this on my blog actually and then I read yours, needless to say, it's like He spoke to me on your 3rd paragraph. I just wanted to let you know your words are a blessing, and you're definitely not alone when it comes to taking burdens which are not really ours to carry.
ReplyDeleteNanc, I just love your writings, the way you seem to make all your jumbled thoughts make so much sense. I love you and I love the encouragement you still manage to give me even when you are "beyong many seas." I am missing you, especially when I am beginning to get in that Christmas spirit (which is always too early for our other roomies lol)
ReplyDeletenancy! i love reading your blog..:) you are so sweet. these words i feel you on, it's amazing how God works in our hearts to know Him more.
ReplyDeletehope you're having a beautiful week ~
Love n' HuGs~!!