A Furry Friend...for my achy breaky heart.

Funny story: When I was trying to decide if I should stay or go to Austria, in a moment of motherly panic my mom declared a promise to me. She said (and I quote) "IF YOU STAY IN AMERICA YOU CAN HAVE A PUPPY."

Nuff' said.

Meet "Oscar America". He is a chocolate lab and has been keeping Shea and myself indulged in cute land for the past two days. How is it that baby creatures don't make things better at all but somehow make things seem a little okay?

I love my puppy and he loves me.

What is courage anyway?

"All my life I have lived and behaved very much like the sandpiper - just running down the edges of different countries and continents, 'looking for something'."

[elizabeth bishop]

So it's out there now. I'm in Texas. I'll just go ahead and say the next part of my latest news: I'm not going to Austria in October. When I moved home, I emailed my Au Pair family and they said that I needed to let them know by the end of the month if I'd come for sure or not. So I was back and forth. Putting pros and cons together, making lists, praying, crying, jumping to conclusions...until finally it dawned on me. It doesn't mean that I'm not brave if I don't go for right now. I think I've come to a point where I've convinced myself that if I'm not doing something drastic (like moving to a foreign country) then I have no courage. But I realized that right now the brave thing is to stay home. Truthfully, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm working at a paint your own pottery studio, laying in the sun, and filling my time with anything that comes my way. What is that? Aren't I supposed to have an idea of what I'm going to do by now? It made so much sense to live abroad because that's what I love. New experiences, cultures, languages, and people. Even though Austria is still a huge part of me (yes, I'm keeping up with my German studying!) and I plan on going at some point -- right now I need to be here. I need to sit and "rest". I definitely feel a need to be here to be with my friends as we trudge on through this difficult time, I think this has all been a wake up call to the fact that I need this time for myself. I've made myself an unreal amount of busy ever since I left for college five years ago and haven't exactly slowed down to really be still.

So this is my time of stillness.

Here are my plans:

1. Eat good summertime peaches.

2. Be there for my best friend as she gets married.

3. Love on my family and friends.

4. Sleep.

5. Lay in the sunshine.

6. Dig into the word and wait for Jesus to come for me.

Any further questions?

Impossible Times

Hello my friends. Whether you are here, there, or anywhere....thanks for checking in. Your emails and comments have meant so much to me. I am here to report that, no, I have not disappeared completely. I am still "here". Which, right now is Texas. It's a long story, but in short I lost a very dear friend and haven't really known what to say to all of you. Anyway, for my loyal followers I have written out "THE LONG STORY". So please read on if that is you.

These past weeks have undoubtedly been of the hardest in my 23 years. If I could tell you the amount of tears I have cried and pain I have felt, I probably wouldn't. It's not something that I much like to share and definitely nothing I wish upon anyone.

Unfortunately death is a part of life. There is an end to everything. There are beginnings of roads and ends of roads, beginnings of stories, and ends of stories, beginnings of experiences and ends of experiences. It's inevitable that we will experience "endings" in and throughout our lives. There are no alternatives. There's no way to avoid it.

This brings me to my next bit. I'm going to tell you a story. Here it goes.

March 31, 2011 -- Taken from my journal

"Today my life shifted. Lately things have been moving seemingly well. I've been designing a website, learning German for my upcoming au pair venture, spending time with friends, teaching my classes, etc. etc. Then, in the blink of an eye my phone is ringing at 2am. Then my dad delivers the hardest bit of information I've ever been confronted with: my dear friend David was killed in a car crash at 4am. Just like that. My friend is gone. No word on specifics of what happened. But the inevitability of the outcome is constantly brushing over me like gusts of wind. He's gone. He had a wonderful wife (and another of my dearest friends) Ellyse. David was 24 years old.

Death is such an impossible thought when you think of someone whose been a part of your life for so long. I remember first meeting David. After several years of a homeschooling sort of situation during my middle school years, my parents chose a small private high school for me to attend called "Denton Calvary Academy". My first day in that ugly khaki and green combo I bumped into David in the hall. He asked me something about the volleyball season (I had joined the team). It's at this time that my heart so deeply yearns to remember every small detail of every conversation. Somehow a question about my volleyball team has shifted into something sincerely significant. That was the day I met David Hudspeth. A good ole sweet cowboy with a big heart and genuine sincerity in spirit. We started talking, laughing, and sitting together. Those times meant so much to me then and have eternal significance to me now.

Even before the tragedy at hand I've always been nolstalgic about those first few months especially. He was the kind of person who could smile at you and put you at ease. His spirit radiated the humility of Christ. I remember so many long talks and just admiring his confidence in his faith and his trust in the steadfast love of God. We used to sit at Panera bread in between classes and talk about faith, friendships, family, and life. He challenged me in my motives and encouraged me to seek God with my whole heart. Our sophomore year at Calvary, his girlfriend Ellyse transferred to our school. I'll admit, at first I was super intimidated of her. I had heard so many amazing things about her and her character from David. I think I was scared she didn't like David and I being friends -- and such close friends at that. He was one person that I can undoubtedly say had already changed me by just spending time with me. I didn't want to lose that friendship. Plus, Ellyse is completely gorgeous. Beautiful in uncountable ways inside and out. As it turned out though, she joined the volleyball team and we grew close very quickly. She and David met in middle school and were the truest definition of "high school sweethearts." There was no question when it came to their love for each other. I remember the story of their first kiss and saw them grow as individuals and as a couple during high school. You know it's funny. Now when I look at high school students I cannot help but think about how little and naive they seem. But then this terrible thing happens. I am looking back and am overwhelmed by how impacting those years were for me, watching David and Ellyse and learning so much about love from both of them. I'm realizing how much those relationships do mean, whether they are healthy or not. They change you and they affect the person you will become. It's so easy to doubt the sincerity of people during that age bracket because they are figuring themselves out. Trying to grow into an adult. We had so many fun times in high school. Whether we were screaming at David, Jon, or Kevin as they 4-wheel drove us into the muddiest parts of Denton, at the lake eating soggy chips and listening to classic country, on the rocky mountains following David as he fearlessly jumped over every obstacle possible on black diamond runs or having random photoshoots in the car....they were the best times of our lives. Right now, these memories are what we are running to. The good ole days. Every time I get really sad, I just run back to pictures and things that happened that were so funny.

David and Ellyse went off to college at OSU. David walked onto the football team and Ellyse took on nutrition. It was tough to see them graduate then leave (I'm a year younger). But that year was so important for them. I think it was a hard time taking in all of the changes. But they came out of it and decided the next thing for them was to get married. I remember being so thrilled for them because they'd been together for so long. SO LONG! David got the gang into action with his proposal plan. It was really beautiful. We all set up a picnic on this hill with candles and some tasty treats. Then we went to a Mexican restaurant to wait and hear the news. Ellyse loves horses and so David had told her they should go riding around sunset. So when they rode up to the top of this hill, they would find our little set-up ready and waiting for them. They didn't call and tell us how it went for a long time, so we nervously ate way too many chips and salsa. When they called and we went out to see them, I just remember they were both gleaming with joy. He just said, "Well, she said yes!" Complete with that goofy lazy eye and giddy smile. I remember him telling us that he had told her he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. I remember his next words so vividly, "...and the rest of the things I said will stay between just her and me forever." I loved that so much about David. Ellyse was his world and he loved her so much. It's so unnerving right now to believe that "the rest of his life" was until he was 24, only about 5 years since the engagement.

It's so hard right now to look back on their wedding day. I remember the rehearsal dinner and the way the napkins were folded. I remember the night before and giggling as we fell asleep one last time just us girls. I remember the pictures we took. I remember the ceremony, the moment Ellyse stepped in the room, the entry into the reception. I remember the speeches given, dancing around the beautiful bride in our long black gowns. I remember their first dance, David's dance with his mom, and my dance with David. I remember watching them run out to leave for their honeymoon. I remember it all. Every step. Every bit of it brings a sharp sting of pain. It was December 17, 2006. That was a little over four years ago. I talked to them via skype this past December. They'd just celebrated their anniversary. That was the last time I saw David's face.

I remember hugging him for the last time the night before I left for Korea. I said I loved him and Ellyse and that I'd miss them and see them in a year. Now looking back, I sort of remember those hugs and my thoughts during them. I remember thinking that a year is a long time to be gone. That a lot could happen in a year. But who actually thinks a lot will happen? After I hugged David, Ellyse and Jon, David gave me a little speech on how I need to buckle down my traveling heart and find me a husband. So many times he's teased me with this and I've just shrugged and nodded. You see, I always imagined marrying someone like my dad, my brother, and David. The problem with that is that there's just no way it's possible. Such amazing men. I considered Dvid more than a friend, but also a brother. He was family. And now, here I am on April 1, 2011 on a 12 hour flight home because my brother has been taken from life.

So firmly I believe David is at peace. I believe he has been taken to eternity and is resting in God's holy and unfathomable presence. But the hardest part is being in a world that doesn't have David in it. Something about my dear friend being here made living life on this earth be filled with a glimmer of hope. I know that was Jesus in him -- so that hope still remains. But right now I cannot fathom moving on from this loss. I cannot imagine ever really being "okay" again. You know, I hate that question, "Are you okay?" Are any of us really and truly okay? Life is hard, whether it's a good day or not. Trials are constantly interrupting any bit of being okay. So no, I'm no tokay. But I do have hope. I have hope that there is life and rest and peace beyond this earth. I have a peace that is completely indescribable. I cannot stop mourning and aching, but I can place my tears and pain at the feet of Jesus. I believe that he is the only one who can sustain me, and has sustained me. Faithfully and abundantly he has held me close to him. So even though it seems an impossibility - we have to trust that he knows and loves us unconditionally. He is close tot he brokenhearted. I'm moving home for a while. I feel like I am an inadequate and drained source of encouragement -- but God's word will fill and guide me. Right now, this is how faith should always be -- a thirst and yearning for Him. The physical inability to start my day without him. May God use this time of grief for his children to refine their faith and to experience the greatness of his glory."

This is where I am. In the 2 months I have flown home, flown back to Korea, and flown home again. I feel frazzled, comforted, exhausted, sad, and joyful all at the same time. There is absolutely no way to express the deep yearning and pain I am currently experiencing. Although there is no way to opt out of endings, there is a way to endure them. You trust and you let the grief come as it may. During all of this I have never felt more comforted by God and is complete presence. I feel shattered inside, but there is a constant mending that is also occurring. It's definitely slow and it will take a lot of time. I am okay with that right now. Each moment that we make it through is sort of a miracle and a gift all lumped into one. It's hard to explain, but I think we are all jealous of David. We live in a world of endings and he is now in a place of "never-endings".

I desire so badly to be in a place of peace. I wish I was not feeling so conflicted inside. I see pain everywhere. In the eyes of those who loved David, in the effects of the multitudes of natural disasters, the threats and actions of terrorists, our daily failures and the repercussions that sin causes, and so much more. The only way to make it through is to keep walking. No matter how small your steps are. The truth is that we've never been able to do anything on our own. It's all been a work and miracle of God. He has moved us, pushed us, and held our hands. We have to hold onto him at all times -- whether we feel capable of doing so or not. So right now, I am holding on by his strength alone. None of me is able to function without his ever-guiding hand. To be honest, my faith is small. But we are called not to have faith the size of mountains (though at times we may) -- but we are called to have a faith that is the size of a mustard seed. We are told in Matthew that all we need is a mustard seed of faith to move a mountain. Because it isn't the quantity of our faith that matters, when it all comes down to it, the quality of depth and true complete faith is what really matters. So I hope you don't look at me and think I'm brave or I am an amazing Christian. I have questioned God more in this time than ever before. But I am choosing every minute to live by mustard seed faith. I believe God is working, though I may not feel him now. He is here in abundance.

My challenge for you: Don't let a moment pass that you choose to live your life for yourself. It's not about you. It's about the God of the universe. If you do not know him through Jesus Christ his son, you can ask me. We were created to know him. He is the only way we are here. He chooses our beginning and our ending, not as a show of conceited power over measly humans, but as a way to express his sovereignty and bring about his perfect plan for all he has loved and created. I want to say now that I love each of you. I hope that you know that He loves you more than any human could ever love you. He knows you completely and desires for you to be with him beyond this life. Know what it is to live purposefully. Don't get caught up in the here and now. It is only a blink of an eye.

Yes, I do realize how long it has been.

I will give you three excuses for my terrible blogging over the past weeks.

Excuse 1: I have been very busy.

Excuse 2: I have an overload of thoughts and an inability to sort them.

Excuse 3: I am a super secret undercover FBI agent on a mission to save the world from complete and utter destruction. Thus, rendering me to be in "super secret mode" and not spare as much as a tidbit of information pertaining to my whereabouts.

Mostly, the first two but I'm sticking with the FBI story because it is exceedingly exciting!

Fortunately for you, I do indeed have some very exciting recent happenings that I would like to share. Where to begin? This is truly a reason for my lack of blogging. Each day and each thought contain so much depth it seems that I have put off blogging. I think it may be more healthy to just get it out there because I am now needing divine intervention to sort through it all...

Let's begin with the B-I-B-L-E. I have been loving Isaiah lately. I am in a Bible study here with a bunch of wonderful Korean women (and one other waygooken). We are digging into Isaiah each week, a few chapters at a time. For some reason it is just now hitting me how incredibly parallel this whole book is to my life. It's about God's people, Israel, claiming to love him but turning to idols for comfort -- then it shows different sides of God's righteousness to their contradicting behavior. God reveals himself as creator, mighty to save, healer, conquerer, friend, savior, and sovereign over all things. He allows the people to be taken to Babylon and to live in captivity for 70 years, but the Babylonians do not go unpunished for their lack of mercy. He calls his people back and promises to rebuild the temple that was destroyed. He says he will bring it up through Cyrus, who was known to be a vicious warrior king. God moved his heart and he submitted to the calling of the Almighty. The people argued, but who can argue with their creator? The God of the universe. God was using a pagan king for his glory. How amazing is that? He can use us when we are most disgustingly drowned in sin. He comes and works in our hearts and he fills us with his spirit, to do things in his name.

Here is my favorite verse from the past few weeks:

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

Isaiah 46:4

Next let's address the current situation in Japan. The 9.0 earthquake that shook Japan a little over a week ago and triggered a tsunami has been heartbreaking. Thankfully, in Korea we are well-surrounded (even in my coastal city!) and are not at high risk for such a thing. It's completely horrible the effects of such a disaster. I have to say that it has been frustrating to read news reports about how donations have dwindled because of the fact that Japan is so economically well off. Unfortunately, anything along the lines of natural disaster will cause an economic crisis. So please remember that we are called to reach out to those in need. Do not cease in your prayers and (if possible) financial support/donations.

I now would like to say how incredibly thankful I am for the amazing weather that has been coming in spurts. I'm talking we are getting into the 60's on some days! For a place that was so consistently miserable in coldness, I am at least happy for the days we get warmer temps. I went for my first beach run of the spring the other day. It was wonderful and crisp. There's something about the ocean in the morning that is indescribable. Also the cherry blossoms (Japanese flowers the Koreans loved so much they planted to also take credit for...) will be popping out to say hello very very soon so I am really excited about going to one of those festivals!

What I've been up to....

Over the past couple of months I have undertook a serious project filled with fun and technicalities. I am redoing my church's website. It will be iccbusan.org -- but it's not up until the end of the week. So check for it then!

I have also started sort of volunteering at this hospital in another part of town on Saturdays. I am leading and English Sunday school for a bunch of kids whose parent are in a medical missions training program. It is a Christian hospital and many of the doctors are in the program so they can do medical missions in less developed southeast Asian countries -- like the Philippines and Vietnam. Pretty cool to sort of be a part of, I must say.

What's new on the horizon.....

This is another major reason why I haven't blogged so much. I have been stuck in the inbetween of my last 5 months in Korea and what will come after that. I have thought through all the options...

1. Go to the middle East -- this one was outed on account of the constant threat to Americans, especially Christians. Additionally, my poor mommy would miss me far too much.

2. Go home/to the USA -- couldn't go for this one because honestly I have no idea what I would do at home. I have ideas of things I would eventually like to do. But as for now, my passions are elsewhere and I didn't feel a complete peace about it.

3. Stay in Korea -- I have such wonderful friends and a community of believers here that push me to shine for Jesus. I have a comfortable job and I love my kids. The only problem is that I am not passionate about Korea. It's so important to me that I am passionate and completely trusting God with the direction in my life. So after much prayer and thought....

4. I am moving to AUSTRIA!!!!!!! If any of you know me, you will know that I talk about and dream about this place way too much. It all started with my semester abroad learning the language and loving the people. I can hardly believe that I am about to work there. I am going to be a nanny for a family that owns a hotel in beautiful Walchsee, Austria. They have twin boys (7 years old) that love to ski, hike, and play anything outdoors. I will also be able to work in the hotel part time while the boys are in school. I am so excited about improving my German, getting to know an Austrian family, and exploring a part of Austria I didn't have time to see before! T'will be an adventure for sure. More information to come.

As for the rest of life lately, I don't really know what to say. All I know is I am growing and being refined. I am learning so much every day about how life is not about me -- which is completely freeing. You should try it out sometime.

A faithful friend is a strong defense;

and he that hath found him

hath found a treasure.

- Louisa May Alcott

A Journey Out West

This past week we celebrated lunar new year here in Korea -- aka: 설날. aka: 3 days off of work

The original plan was to head down to the Japanese friends. Unfortunately ferry fares were quite pricey leaving me and my budgeted self with Korea to travel. At first, I was not all that pumped. Thankfully, though, my fabulous friend (friend in korean is 친구 -- pronounced chingu) Krystal who came to the rescue. She whipped out the Lonely Planet on Korea (our BFF) and we conceived a general plan. We would gather a group (Me, Krys, Jay, Jon, and Zach) and we would have an adventure.

So the plan went as follows:

1. Bus to the Western area of Korea, the city of Gwangju first.

2. Now over to Yeong-am to hike up to a spectacular bridge we saw a picture of in our BFF book

3. Finally to really go coastal and hit up Mokpo, about the opposite side of Korea of Busan

It was super fun. We took an unreal amount of bus trips, had some great accommodation, loads of beautiful Korean views, happy Korean families staring at us, and an excessive amount of norae-bang fun.

Below you will find some of my favorite photos from the trip.....

Jay on the bridge we hiked to. We certainly underestimated the hike. It was quite snowy/icy. We were not wearing the appropriate hardcore snow-hiking shoes nor did we have emergency supplies. Let's just say we basically slid our way back down the mountain before the sun went to bed.

Definitely worth the hike!

Yeong-am

In Mokpo, we had nice temperatures and a fun little boardwalk where we spent the afternoon flying kites. Well....attempting to fly them.

Zach, Jon, Krystal, and myself.

It was harder than it looked!

Cute little ones!

Happy year of the rabbit friends.

In wisdom gathered over time

I have found that every experience

is a form of

exploration.

Ansel Adams

"Welcome to Korea! Do you have bofrand?"

Here in Korea, there is a trend. It's called "having a boyfriend". The basic lifestyle of this trend contains several different aspects. It's as easy as 1, 2, 3...

1. Wearing the same clothes down to the underwear. This may entail a groundbreaking amount of creativity. Sometimes, a couple will go so far as to find the fabric from a girls outfit and try to create it on the guys outfit. As for the underwear, don't you panic. They have his and hers undergarments stores on every corner. For your convenience. If you happen to get in a relationship on two blocks ago, you will soon stumble upon the next underwear store so that you will be able to get your first couples items.

2. Holding hands so tightly that people that would normally need to go through them, must go around the couple. Or else they might be clothes-lined by a couple of Korean lovebirds. Just yesterday I had to duck waiting on my train because a stubborn little set of linked lovers would not simply allow me through the crowded subway.

3. Sticker photos. If you know anything about love, you know the deal isn't sealed until you've spent some serious time in the sticker booths. These booths are great for getting really cheesy portraits for you to cherish for many years to come. My favorite part about these booths is that you can wear all of the crazy wigs and hats. The only problem is that you really can't go by yourself. Thankfully, I got to go with a bunch of my girlfriends a few weeks back. But of course, it is always ideal to have your man by your side.

The thing is, all of this really just keeps me quite humored. It makes me laugh that every time I meet someone who speaks English, their first question for me is if I have a boyfriend are not. Seriously?! I am 7,000 miles away from home and the most interesting thing to know is if I am in a relationship. As I sat and pondered this spectacle, I was reminded of a quote from the fabulous Pride and Prejudice....

"What are men compared to rocks and mountains?"

I suppose having a boyfriend isn't all that bad, but I am sort of enjoying the whole exploring the unknown for the time being.

[celebration]

:::Don't you believe that there is in man a deep so profound as to be hidden even to him in whom it is?:::

- Saint Augustine

I cannot express my joy. I had the amazing blessing of getting to pray with two new friends as they accepted Jesus! Praise God for new sisters.

Inspiration: [the product of freezing cold temperatures]

It is officially 17 days into the new year. I have written 2010 on the board about a thousand times already, but I am getting better at remembering it's 2011. More than anything in the past 17 days I have had a lot of time to myself. To process. To pray. To rest. To create. It has been so incredibly cold. I hear that it is the coldest winter in the complete history of Busan. Naturally, it would happen when little ole me comes to stay for a year. So, in my efforts to start off the new year with as little complaints as I can, I have taken all of the precautions to endure this beast of a winter. I have purchased a Korean "puffy coat", the fake Ugg boots, the sweater tights, and the hat with a pom-pom on the tippity top. Whilst curled up in my floor-heated apartment, I started sneaking through the spastic stylings of Keri Smith through her book on exploration (see above). Thus, I decided it was time to start on the newest creations!

Aside from the warm clothing I have been drinking an embarrassing amount of honey citron tea. It's the most amazing stuff. It looks like jam. But low and behold you place it in a mug, boil some water, and stir. It is made from the Korean citron fruit. It's basically a morphed lemon and orange fruit. Yeah, that's right. Be jealous.

Now, here is a confession. I have not exactly been on the healthiest sleeping schedule in the world. Call me crazy or blame it on my 5 cup a day minimum of coffee. I am obsessed with knitting. I stumbled on this tiny little closet of a yarn store in the market across the street last week and have not stopped living and breathing patterns since. I joined an awesome knitting network site called "ravelry". I highly recommend it if you are a knitter or crochet-er(?).

On Saturday afternoon, a girl from church had some of us over for "crafting day". It was really fun just getting to eat sweets, have good conversation, and create away! Just what my little inspired heart has been needing.

The fruit of my little bit of labor this week was some fingerless gloves. They are super cozy and warm. Perfect for running errands and being able to press the buttons on my non-predictive text Korean cell phone. Unfortunately the high winds took advantage of my exposed fingers in the process. Needless to say: I will wear them when the breeze is not quite so present.

The yarn was super fuzzy and cozy. Just look at those little frizzles!

I also made these little flowers. I don't have a picture on here but on my facebook page you can see them! The pattern was so simple and they took like 5 minutes to make each one!

Snapped Photos: Click here to see the first, and here for the second!

Ah yes, well this is the news of the week. Aren't you all proud of my updating passion in the blogging world? I am probably talking to myself -- but we'll just view it as a form of therapy for the soul.

One last thing. I have 13 minutes left of Monday and I want to leave you with the "Monday Quote". My fabulous sister got me the complete poems of Emily Dickinson. She is my absolute favorite female poet. Here is a tidbit of wisdom for you to start your week off with:

The Bird her punctual music brings

And lays it in its place --

Its place is in the Human Heart

And in the Heavenly Grace --

What respite from her thrilling toil

Did Beauty ever take --

But Work might be electric Rest

To those that Magic make --

Brilliance, aye?

Good books,

like good friends, are few and chosen;

the more select, the more enjoyable.

-- Louisa May Alcott

Wisdom from the author of the wonderful little novel Little Women. It brings me to ask, what are the "good books" in your library?

I have to say my favorite books over the past year or so have been:

1. Life of Pi

2. The Book of Lost Things

3. Peter Pan

All are brilliant, imaginative, and they suck you in before you know it. Which, in my opinion, are the best kind of books.

FMD. Run for your mouths!

Well, if you haven't heard -- FMD (Foot and Mouth Disease) is rapidly spreading throughout the livestock of South Korea. Before you go off and disown me completely, here are a few things you should know:

-- The outbreaks have been near Seoul, across the country from Busan!

-- It is completely harmless to humans and I don't eat beef all that much here anyway....

-- With outbreaks in 2000, 2002 ....and earlier last year, the Korean livestock has made it through such dire circumstances. And by golly, they will do it again.

For further inquiry:

http://english.yonhapnews.co.kr

Have a happy and restful weekend!

Happy Thursday!

Hello friends.

Here are some pretty pointless tidbits for you to read over:

1. Got a tumblr for the more random blog posts: beyondmanyseas.tumblr.com

[yes, I realize I am really reaching for the stars on this New Years resolution...so be it]

2. My Christmas tree remains intact and is not coming down any time soon.

3. My favorite kid, Helmet-head Ted (aka - Teddy Bear) is no longer at ILS. My heart breaks again every Tuesday and Thursday he is not in my class.

4. I am recruiting people to come visit me. What are you really doing with your money and time?

5. Nutella is currently the most excessive part of my diet. Finding international markets is always a bit of a mistake.

6. I have had a total of 3 epic dance parties alone in my apartment in the past 4 days. I recommend it to all of you who have a little groove in your heart.

7. I keep getting the sweetest thoughts and messages from wonderful friends at home. I have to say I have been feeling very thankful for the people in my life. How exciting where we all are!

8. I miss peanut butter m&ms. If you feel so inclined, my address is posted at the bottom of this message....

9. I am now reading manuscripts for independent novels. Anyone need a freelance editor??

10. I find myself listening to old school, good for the heart, music -- on repeat this week.

This includes: 100 years: Five For Fighting; There She Goes: Six Pence None The Richer; Drops of Jupiter: Train; Banana Pancakes: Jack Johnson.

Have a fabulous day -- and don't forget to do a little dance. Lord Byron once said:

“On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined”

Spider-free living

A story to give you statesiders reason enough (as if you don't have enough reason already) to visit me in Korea:

As I was putting on my extremely fashionable red polo for work, I looked down and saw a black something or other. Being the experienced Texan that I am, I immediately went into anti-spider combat. I busted out my Walker Texas Ranger moves only to find it was just a black fuzzy from a sweater. Upon this experience I soon realized that it has been months, literally -- MONTHS, since I have actually seen a spider. In fact, the only spiders I have seen in Korea have been on hikes.

At home, I would say I saw an average of 5 spiders/week. I have to say, this is not something I miss about home and definitely something I love about Korea.

So how about the most random blog post ever? Just trying to give you a little incentive to find your way across the ocean....

"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."

- Emily Dickinson

I am going to try to leave you with a little quote to ponder each Monday that I can remember. Emily Dickinson is one of my favorite poets. I love how she puts life so brilliantly in little reminders such as this.

Lesson to be learned: Don't sit around. Life is short. It is hard. It is filled with glimpses of joy. It is not meant to be wasted.

Note: It's 2011

How did that happen? I am pretty sure that this year up and decided to creep up too quickly. If you would have said to me a year ago, "Hey Nancy, in one year you will be typing on your computer 7,000 miles away in Busan, South Korea. You'll live there and will be teaching the cutest kids in the world." I would have probably laughed at you.

Every year I do this life-in-summary sort of thing where I literally type up everything I can remember from the year ending so that I have some sort of log. I started it in 2007 and titled it "Just thinkin..." in my word documents. Today I started up my 2010 log and realized this thing is getting an excessive amount of long. I am talking like 50 typed pages. Do I really have that much to say? Maybe I need to talk more throughout the year so my logs aren't just a big gathering of rambles about this and that. As weird as this little tradition of mine may be, I must say it is pretty interesting to go back and read. So much happens as we go along. It's pretty amazing to see situations pan out, friendships grow, and heartbreaks mend. I think it might be good therapy for the soul to see where you have come from. I think each year I have come to the conclusion that this life thing simply doesn't make much sense. Then again, I guess we were never promised that it would.

All this to say, I am excited for a new year. I am excited for new adventures and relationships to be built. It's so bittersweet the way life gives and takes away. So I guess we should endure the bitter and taste the sweet when we can and while we can. Things will not ever stay the same that they are now, nor will they go back to a way they used to be. So, take on the changes and live intentionally, my friends.

Here are some of my resolutions:

- Go to the beach more.

I live so close, like a 15 minute walk. And yet, I find myself there on only random occasions. It may be freezing right now, but there is something really brilliant about watching the waves crash on the shore. While I am privileged enough to live this close, I should probably take advantage of the brilliance.

- Trust the people in my life.

It is really easy for me to close myself off from people. Sometimes I believe the lie that if I don't say anything, people will understand me in my silence. As much as I believe in the "Sound of Silence" (thanks Simon and Garfunkel), I have also learned that my silence, in times when I need support most, is generally misunderstood. So I will trust, knowing that people fail me, but also knowing that they will encourage me despite the inability to make things completely better.

- Practice my German.

More than anything I want to become somewhat fluent in German and move to beautiful Österreich or Germany at some point in my adventures. I love languages and cultures, it's so important to take the time to learn the culture you love and are passionate for. As far as my English will get me (i.e. Korea...), it also seems pretty arrogant to assume that everyone wants to learn my language in order to get to know me.

- Strum a little.

I played guitar, complete with lessons, at one point in my life. Let's just say that it doesn't happen so often anymore. I think I'll be pickin' (ha, get it??) it back up this year.

- Blog it up.

I really enjoy putting my little thoughts on here. The only problem lately has been the fact that I do it so rarely that it is quite the task to "update". So, I will be blogging more often [hopefully]. So please feel so inclined as to leave a little comment here and there to keep me fueled up :)

I am sure that more will come to me. As for now, this is the list. Don't want to make it too long, I feel my chances of resolution success are dependent on the length of my list.

So for now, we will keep it short and sweet.

즐거운 크리스마스....and a joyful Christmas to you!

Hello world

Well, Merry Christmas. Wait, is it really over? How does this always happen? Christmas is just one big snowball of excitement, planning, and anticipation. Then, the next thing you know you have had one eggnog too many and are finding scraps of wrapping paper in every corner of your apartment. Despite the fact that I only watched ELF 4 times this holiday season (an all-time low) and despite the few pounds that have taken residence on my hips....there is much to be thankful for.

I am thankful for the munchkins. They make my heart swell with joy and love. Even though they are crazy and probably understand about 10% of what comes out of my mouth, they are my heartbeat here in Korea.

I am also thankful for fun coworkers. This is Emily, one of the Korean English teachers. She is a lot of fun. We like to grab Dukbokki and sunchips and just chit chat about life, love, and and the children winning our hearts over daily.

On Christmas Eve we just played games with the kids. We taught them how to sing Rudolph. It was so adorable. Each of the kids got to sing one little solo in the song. Videos will surely be posted.

We also played "Pin the Nose on Rudolph". I know what you are thinking, "Those Rudolph's sure do look like pigs..." But they aren't. I printed off a copy of Rudolph from the ever-handy google images and somehow after making so many of them they started to sort of morph into pig-like reindeer. Life goes on.

Alice loves my Santa hat.

This lil' fella was ready for some nose-pinning action!

My favorite twinsies

Santa even came to the festivities!

He was shorter (and slightly more Asian) than I had envisioned....

And I am thankful for my F.R.I.E.N.D.S (or so we are being called)

Later that night, the "Single Seven" (the new name I'm using for our little group of friends) had a sleepover at the mansions of Josh and Matt. We had stockings (thanks Matt!), cocoa, Christmas memory discussions, and lots of Christmas cheer going around. I cannot have asked for a better group to spend Christmas in Korea with.

Now, let's not forget: I am thankful for family and the ability to love.

On Christmas midday we went to the orphanage our church visits a few times a month. There were lots of volunteers, but so many kiddos that just needed some serious loving. It was really tiring, but such a precious experience. Going to the orphanage since being here has been really eye-opening. The kids just link onto you like little barnacles! It's sweet, but really really hard at the same time. I want so badly for them to know the unconditional love of Jesus.

Somehow I got roped into this terribly cheesy elf dance to "Jingle Bell Rock". Ahh, the unfortunate events of the life of Nancy.

I helped at the Santa hat decorating station in Santa's workshop at the orphanage. It was one big, sticky, glittery mess. But -- it made little ones like these so happy! So it was completely worth it :)

Mmm. I have to say one of my favorite (and saddest) Christmas memories is now talking to my precious family via skype after my Christmas was nearing its end -- and theirs was just beginning. As soon as our sweet labrador Maxie looked into the skype I was a gonner. I can't help but think that growing up and being elsewhere means everything is going to be different from now on. Fortunately, my family is excellent at cheer-ups. They even posed for a picture saying "Kimche!" and holding up those cheesy Asian peace signs that somehow seem so necessary.

Well, dear friends. Here's to a happy new year. I hope it is filled with joy that you cannot contain, hope that comes on you like quiet snow, and peace that stirs at every waking moment.

Cheers!

PS. Resolution 1: Blog extremely more consistently.